How are you seen?

A recent change in my personal life has made me think about my personality traits. In particular, my sense of positivity/negativity and the interaction with those around me. And how it affects who I am as a person.

I do most (okay...all) of my deep thought pondering on the bike. Its really handy for that - hours and hours of mostly silence and nothing to occupy your mind except random thoughts and following the white lines. Anyway, this is what I have come to conclude so far from my zen-like ponderings:

Mr Positive or Mr Negative (or Mrs for the ladies)
We all know one of these personalities - chances are someone in our friend group meets one of these descriptions. Note: Im not an expert so these descriptions are my watered down opinions.

Mr Positive - Always has something nice to say about life, never complains about their circumstances, when a problem arises they are the first to search for a solution, if they encounter some bad luck they shrug and move on and they try to learn lessons from not only their mistakes, but the mistakes of others. They are often putting themselves out to help others (sometimes even strangers) and are willing to balance self-sacrifice and selfishness. Overall, they feel life is good and life is there for you to make the most of.

Mr Negative - No conversation is complete without a rant or rave about all the things wrong in the world, often including criticisms of others. They feel the world is against them and if they had better luck they could be as successful as the other guy. When bad luck comes their way, its just another obstacle in their day and they throw their hands up in frustration - often repeating mistakes without learning why. Very rarely do they have the motivation to do anything for themselves, let alone others. They often feel depressed or hopeless and may conclude that theres no point changing anything about their lives.

I know that I have met people that meet both those descriptions. Whether they are friends or colleagues or people you meet thru friends. Of course, there is a whole spectrum in-between and not everyone fits nicely into those two categories.

What I find most troubling however - is that I have met quite alot of Mr Negatives and not very many Mr Positives. I am sure you are the same.

In fact, on the odd occasion that I do meet a positive person - it always throws me off as you tend to get worn down day-by-day by all the negativity and complaining. I imagine its like in England where it will rain for months and months.....then one day the sun will be out and everyone will just point and stare in wonder!

One good example of a Mr Positive was at the wake of my good friend Eddie. The funeral was (and they always are) a sombre occasion. And while you talk of the funny times and the laughs you shared, there is that background sadness of a life lost.
A friend of Eddies from his yoga teaching group came up to me randomly and just introduced himself - smile beaming and hand outreached.
I admit it - my first instinct was a raised eyebrow and to box him in with a car salesman or politicians - you know.....those people with the crocodile smiles and far-too-happy-for-the-situation demeanour.
It turns out that he was just a happy guy there to spread more happiness. He obviously saw some people feeling abit sad and took it upon himself to go over and spread some smiles. He talked about how positive Eddie was and all these funny conversations they had together at 'yoga camps' and in the end he sort of shrugged and said "Well, that's life isn't it.". And with his smile still beaming he wandered off to find some more people to talk to.

It was quite amazing actually - his behaviour didn't really sink in until hours later. And that's the shame of it all - I was so unfamiliar with a truly happy person that when I encountered one, it puzzled me. I immediately thought they were crazy or had some ulterior motive. When in reality, they were just positive. Positive about life and positive about living.


What about me?
Its fairly simple to see that the company you keep, affects the type of person you become. If you associate with negative people, you will eventually become one. Alternatively, if you associate with positive people, you can rest assure that their positivity with rub off on you.

I decided that this year was the year where I reduce the negativity in my life. People who complain, blame others, criticise, or moan are not the people I want to be around. I want to be inspired, I want to hear good things, I want to appreciate each day, I want to aim high (and sometimes fall short) and I want to feel good about myself, my life and my surroundings. And I want to hear about my friends achieving great things, travelling to new places and being all they can be.

I'm not saying that we all have to live like we are high on LSD - you are allowed to have a bad day or get frustrated about something going wrong. But its the way you handle these challenges that makes the difference.

This is something I plan to work at.